During my tens of thousands of hours watching African wildlife, a thought that has often crossed my mind is “if I could come back as an animal, which animal would it be?”
This is a difficult question, as there are just so many to choose from; and none are without their short-comings. Obviously a leopard would be amazing (what’s not to like about being the sexiest animal in the bush and just chilling high up in a tree all day?). Yes, you would have people flashing their cameras at you non-stop, but Justin Bieber seems to cope with that just fine. This would be a marvellous life for me, if only I wasn’t horribly afraid of heights! This fact also excludes me from choosing to be a bushbaby, but I’m not complaining too much, because even though I would be dead cute, I would also have to pee on my hands…often…so, no. Porcupines are desirable too; they get a mate for life and get to mate every single day! The problem with this is that, well, they are porcupines, and they have to mate every…single…day! “How do porcupines mate?” the old joke goes, with the answer being “very, very carefully”.
I love my sleep. A lot. And so do lions. A lot. So they would make a brilliant animal to come back as! Imagine sleeping for three-quarters of your life and not get moaned at by your mom and dad for being a lazy sod? This idea suited me well – as did the idea of tucking into an 850kg buffalo steak (albeit it a bit on the raw side) – until I recently spent a few days watching a pride of lions eating one such buffalo; all I can say is that I would rather eat pattypan marrows for the rest of my life than ever smell that buffalo again!
I would never do well as a vegetarian, but there is something strangely appealing about eating for 16 hours a day, isn’t there? Imagine eating 200kg of chocolate every single day? Or 200kg of potato chips, all flavours, all day! This is the wonderfully gluttonous life that every elephant leads and, best of all, you don’t have to worry about those pesky lions eating you either. The only minor issue is that elephants don’t eat chocolate or chips. They just eat grass and wood; dry grass and wood to be exact. That seems a tad boring to do all day, don’t you think?
So what else is there to be? A giraffe perhaps, but being tall is cool and all, except when you have to drink, which, when I last checked, was a rather important activity? Impalas get eaten all the time and baboons aren’t even allowed to beg for bananas anymore without getting into trouble. This leaves me with only option; if I were to come back as an animal, it would have to be a hippopotamus. You get the best of many worlds, from sleeping the whole day to eating the whole night, hardly anybody wants to eat you, you don’t have to worry about your weight, and people respect and fear you even if they have hardly ever seen more than your eyes, ears and nose. Plus, if that is not enough, you get to just chill out in a river for a living catching a tan. The only down side I can see is that, for an animal that lives in the water for most of its life, you would have thought someone would have at least taught them to swim!
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PROVISIONAL:
Bookings can be held as provisional for up to 14 days, after which the booking is required to release or confirm. A 20% refundable deposit is required to confirm the booking.
CONFIRMED:
Once confirmed with a 20% deposit, the booking is held on a status of ‘confirmed with refundable deposit’ until any of the following becomes true:
Final payment is due 60 days prior to arrival. Any outstanding balance on the total reservation value shall be required to be settled at 60 days prior to arrival.
All refundable deposits, commitment fees and full payments are held in a separate call account and do not become part of the operational cash flow until the guest has stayed.
The amount stated on the invoice is what must be received by Tanda Tula nett of bank charges.
CANCELLED
Cancellations must be received and acknowledged by Tanda Tula in writing.
‘Confirmed with refundable deposit’: bookings carry no cancellation fees up to 61 days prior to arrival.
‘Confirmed with commitment’ or ‘Confirmed with full-payment’: in the event of any reservation being cancelled after Tanda Tula has issued a confirmation, for any reason other than a WHO-recognised pandemic that impacts the booking, the following cancellation fees will apply:
All cancelled bookings that qualify for a refund, will be refunded less a handling fee valued at 5% of the refund amount.
PANDEMIC DISCLAIMER
Tanda Tula will allow postponement of a booking for up to 12 months, if travel is cancelled with a commitment fee or 60 days or less prior to arrival due to a WHO-recognised pandemic directly impacting the guests’ ability to travel (e.g. lockdown, no flights, guest not allowed to board a flight, guest falls ill due to a pandemic and unable to travel).
In the event of a WHO-recognised pandemic directly impacting the ability of Tanda Tula to meet its obligations with respect to the booking, all monies received, including the commitment fee, will be fully refunded (e.g. lockdown in RSA, government restrictions on trade).
Any refund is given at the discretion of Tanda Tula management and will be charge a handling fee valued at 5% of the refund amount.
All travellers are advised to take out fully comprehensive travel insurance with ‘cancellation for no reason’. This insurance must be able to fully cover cancellation of travel fewer than 60 days prior to arrival.
The Terms and Conditions are subject to change without notice.
